My Personal Journey Into Style

Posted in: Inspiration, Passions by Ms. Ayo Fashola on January 23, 2009 3:47 pm

Polka Dot and Yellow

My commitment to personal growth, style and self-discovery began years ago at the tender age of five. I had a favorite dress then and I could remember her loud and clear. I loved this dress. It was yellow with black polka dots, medium-sized polka dots. I wore the dress to my aunts wedding reception hosted at Uncle Lamide’s house in Ajao Estate, right outside of Lagos in Nigeria. I adored this dress. It was fun, playful and vibrant. I liked the color yellow a lot too. I felt fun and pretty in it. It felt like second skin and I resonated with this dress. It seemed to capture the purest part of my spirit, essence and personality. It was almost cut in a wrap style format, a stiff cotton fabric that held its shape for several years. It also came with a black skinny belt.  It was my favorite dress. I felt special in her. She was me and I was her. She spoke to my soul and spirit in a special way. I’ll never forget her.

I attended Moley International School in Ajao Estate, then a year later, moved to Yabba, right outside of Lagos.  My sister and I enrolled in a new elementary school. I liked our new uniforms. A fuchsia pink color with a forest green accent. More vibrant than my earlier pink and white uniform from Moley. I loved the crispness of the fabric. It had this new fresh out the bag feel and smell to it. Fast forward and my sister and I board bus going from Yabba to Ajao Estate.  Now I was six and my sister was three. My father waved to us good-bye as we proceeded to visit my aunt and my grandmother later in the afternoon.   It was a sunny day. I sat by a window and looked out into the street. My attention turned up to look into the sky and I caught an advertisement on a billboard promoting the use of bleaching cream. The ad implied that a woman could be more beautiful and desirable if her skin were lighter in complexion. Interesting I thought. This cream called IKB was popular among many Nigerian women and even heard rumors that a few family members had subscribed to this potion. I stared at the ad for what seemed like days. Why would anyone want to do that? I asked myself.  Why would anyone want to lighten the color of their skin? The image and words on that ad struck a chord with me, leaving a lasting impression.

A Test of Self-Worth

Hence, my personal journey into style began. I sought to answer this question as I took on challenges and growth experiences that tested my self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem. I wanted to know what attitude, thought process, and experiences would bring someone to the point where they would want to be someone other than who they naturally were. I understood the want to enhance one’s physical appearance, but to totally alter your physical makeup to where you were almost unrecognizable for sheer vanity was beyond me. My experiences pointed out to me the love and hate relationships with all tend to have with ourselves and why loving ourselves is the most difficult, yet the most important thing we can do for ourselves and for humanity.

Style and image consulting is not just about wearing the right clothes, the right colors, having the right hairstyle and dressing for the job you want.  Addressing your unique identity and style is all about taking a trip into the most profound relationship you can have in the world and that is a relationship with yourself. It’s so difficult though because it means accepting the harsh reality that who you are is how you are and although all of it isn’t attractive,  it is what it is. The beauty is accepting, valuing and resting in that knowledge.

My personal journey into style has been a journey in feelings, thought and deed. I struggled (and still struggle) to find my inner voice, my true voice. I seek direction for whom and how I needed to express my personal truth. I looked at other style websites for ideas and inspiration, thought I could and should share advice and tips; thought I could offer the dos and don’ts of what to wear and what not to wear. Yet, that felt so empty and superficial to me. I recognized that I had an aching need to express my authentic voice, my story, experiences, and path. I commend my clients for embracing and moving past their own fears to become more self-expressive in their personal style. It’s no easy feat. It’s a very courageous thing to do actually. Its one thing to practice active listening when listening to someone share their passions, dreams, hopes and fears and it’s another thing to actively listen to your own passions, dreams, hopes and fears and derive lessons from it to enhance the value of your life.

Learning to Love Me

I’m going to take you on my personal style journey. I’m no counselor, therapist, or psychologist and I do not pretend to be. Nor am I a fashionista, a stylista, or a fashion guru. I am just a girl who wants to learn how to love herself more. I learned from a very young age that the more I valued, accepted and loved myself for who and how i am, the more I could express and give love to others and accept them for who and how they are. I’m a girl who reads, learns, plays and applies the knowledge she derives from her experiences. I am a girl who recognized early on that how we feel about ourselves can and will manifest tangibly in the physical. I was and am curious to know what loving yourself wholeheartedly looks like, feels like, and sounds like.

Although I’ve been on a personal style journey path once before, my wish to share my experiences and style journey publicly is new. I know that this might open me to criticism and feedback, but to grow you’ve got to put yourself out there, not be afraid to take risks, take what you feel is useful and discard the rest. It’s never personal…It’s just personal style. 

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Tags: Attitude, Behavior, Communication, personal growth, Self-Discovery