Natural Black Hair: Self-Love Begins

Posted in: Blog, HairCare Corner by Ms. Ayo Fashola on January 4, 2012 9:44 am

I have to admit, I have not always loved and embraced my hair. Its been a battle cry accepting the kinky fine spring coil strands of hair that grow out of my scalp.

I did the big chop in 2001.

I stared at a fresh new bucket of no-lye relaxer and stopped in my tracks. “Why are you doing this Ayo?” I stared at myself in the mirror for what seemed like hours. I waited patiently for the answer.  I then asked myself, “What is bringing you to do this?, “why the need to put a chemical in to straighten your hair?” I waited for the right answer. I waited for justification that would feel right and make sense. It never came. All is saw reflected back to me was a young, 21-year-old chocolate-brown dark skin woman who was about to permanently turn her kinks into straight hair. I loved being an African woman…so I thought, so why the need to permanently straighten my hair? Did I not love me and where did this belief come from that this was something I must do?

I said enough is enough yet I didn’t have the courage  to do the big chop off. I bought wigs. I had fun with them as I allowed my hair to transition from its relaxed state to natural. After about a few months, I noticed I had about 2 inches of new growth, yet I was still very afraid to do the chop off. I lived in Atlanta at the time, a city bursting in black culture and the most beautiful in natural hair styles. My friend Anthony, who role modeled after Andre 3000 of Outkast and rocked the crazy ‘fro look at the time,  gave me the push that I needed. His girlfriend also had beautiful locs  that I coveted and admired, so it felt good to be surrounded by a supportive network.  Anthony walked me into the bathroom, grabbed these big scissors, yanked my wig off and began cutting. I winced. Oh I felt so afraid. I  could feel my emotional attachment to my particular look and image. It all bubbled up inside of me. “I’ll no longer be pretty,” “Men will no longer pay attention to me,” “I’m too dark to have a short natural”. I felt terrified. Anthony reassured me of my beauty and that this was the right thing for me to do. After the cut, I then walked over to a barber shop to have my hair shaped and trimmed up. My journey into self love had begun.

Nurturing Self-Acceptance

Over the years, I’ve had challenges accepting myself as an African woman and embracing my hair and its natural growth process. I didn’t have the tools and resources so many women have today, so much of what I did was trial and error. I was not sure what ingredients to use and avoid and I was not sure how to keep up length. I also became attached to wigs and weaves, because I did not know how to care for my hair. I experimented with color, but this too was so drying that I experienced breakage. I also held a limiting belief that natural hair did not grow long, and so since I did not expect it to grow long, I practiced all sorts of self-defeating habits to prevent it from growing long. Even though my hair was now in its natural state on the outside, externally this image of myself did not match. I found it still very hard to love and accept myself as is. It didn’t matter what I did to myself on the outside, if I had not accepted the mental image of myself of who I am and what I wish to become on the inside. I went to work realizing that there needed to be a shift in perspective.

Loving ME!

Now at 31  32, 10 years into my journey, I’m at a different place in my life. That place is loving and accepting all that makes me who I am as an African woman, despite  the media messages, stories, voices and descriptions around me. Even during my journey, my family was not tolerant of the way I wore my hair. My mother would make comments that I should put a relaxer in my hair. My sister would say, “that’s probably why you can’t find a man, it’s time to change your hair.”  I know they meant well, but this wasn’t about finding a man or attracting one, but being true to what felt good and right to me from the inside out. It’s never about what I do but about why I do it and this was for me.  Now 10 years later, all of my sisters have gone natural, including my mother. They’ve all done the big chop off, so we will see how they do. Either way, they will get my love, support and encouragement because I know what it feels like to go through the journey.

Know Why You Do What You Do

I discovered during my time in Nigeria that wearing hair in its natural texture and state is actually unique. Young women in grade school wear their hair short and natural but as soon as they graduate from high school, a weave is a right of passage for some.  I have a feeling things will change soon for African women. Wearing wigs and wearing relaxers can really get tiring and expensive. Each woman has to come to that place on her own time when she is ready to fully embrace herself. Am I saying that wearing a relaxer or weave is wrong or it means you don’t love yourself? Au Contraire! What ever you decide to do, I’m a big believer that one must commit fully to it. I see so many women who wear relaxers as a crutch to avoid facing their hair. I feel this is just as bad. Or they wear it because they are “AFRAID” to wear their own hair, or simply programmed to believe it’s just the only way. Again, it’s not what you do, but why you do it and of all these things one must evaluate for herself. No one can do that for you but you.

Personal Growth

I’m on my path and I’m on my journey and I’m enjoying the process. Although I don’t have a picture of when i began my journey 10 years ago, like i said, I’ve struggled with keeping length, but thank God of all the resources that are available today to help me as I become the best woman I can be in every area of my life. Here is a picture of me in 2008. This is after my hair had broken off due to coloring and just lack of tender loving care and proper maintenance. I’ve had to start over in my hair care several times. I knew why. The lack of commitment to loving and caring for my textured tresses. I had not given my hair her undivided attention. As in anything in life, if you don’t care for it and/or nurture it from the inside out, it will wither and die.

Me in 2008

Here i am now in November of 2010

The thing is you should picture your hair as a collection of fine fibers.  You should treat it as gently as you would a fine washable silk blouse.  The better you treat your hair, the easier it will be to grow and the better it will look. African hair will tend to be dryer and more prone to breakage because the structure makes it more difficult for the oils to work their way from the scalp to the ends of the hair.  If you relax your hair, you’ve weakened the hair and reduced the ability for the scalp to naturally oil it. The points where the hair curls and twists are also points where the hair tends to break.  The more of these points (as in African hair), the more the hair is prone to breakage.   Also, because our hair is kinky, it tends to tangle more and pulling these tangles out can cause breakage.

In another blog, I’ll share how I care for my hair. Products I use, my weekly regimen and protective styles that I wear. I look forward to sharing and caring soon.

For more information on relaxed or natural hair or how to care for your hair, visit
http://www.treasuredlocks.com/blhacafa.html

♥♥♥

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